Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
