The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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