Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
