So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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