sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
