I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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