We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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