My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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