Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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