I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
