I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
