well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
