I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
