hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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