i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
