Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
