I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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