I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
