I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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