yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
