I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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