I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
