Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
