Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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