Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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