you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
