I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When did angry sex become our thing?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
