Are we in a gay sports bar?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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