god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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