I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
