; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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