our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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