the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
