At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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