he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
