i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
