Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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