So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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