I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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