I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
