ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
