just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
