a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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