a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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