I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
