finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
