I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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