Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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