the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
