You really coming over, don't trick.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
