Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
