would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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