I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
