What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
