her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize