No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize