i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
