The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
