i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize