I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
