Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
