Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
