just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
