apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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