He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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