my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
