Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
